The 10 weirdest preseason friendlies ever - including West Ham and Leeds United madness

Preseason is a time for the abandonment of all logic and reason as the footballing world, unhinged by a lack of regular action, descends into a chaotic melting pot of transfer speculation and utterly baffling friendlies.

Friendlies like Bayern Munich’s recent 27-0 victory of ninth-tier German side FC Rottach-Egern. Earlier this week, the Bundesliga champions made headlines around the globe when they hammered their tiny neighbours, but by no means is this the only, or even the most bizarre, preseason fixture in history.

Check out 10 more of the strangest below...

Oxford City v West Ham - 1994

Certainly not the weirdest fixture on this list, but there are some nice zany details to it, and not least West Ham assistant manager Harry Redknapp’s decision to drag a fan out of the crowd, hand him a jersey, and give him a run out for the Hammers. More incredibly still, the supporter scored in a 4-0 win.

Heaton Stannington vs Gabon - 2012

Every now and again, a photograph will do the rounds on social media of a young Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang playing on what appears to be Sunday league pitch in the north east of England. It is not a fake.

The Gabonese national team were supposed to play Newcastle United as part of their preparations for the 2012 Olympics in London, but schedule clashes meant that a replacement had to be found at the last minute. Up stepped 11th-tier Heaton Stannington, who promptly suffered a 4-0 defeat.

Accrington Stanley vs Marseille - 2019

Not only did Accrington Stanley play Marseille a few years back, but they beat them too. Two up by the interval, the English lower league stalwarts held on for one of the most eye-catching results in their history at the home of rugby union outfit Sale Sharks, and it all came about purely because Stanley owner Andy Holt heard that the Ligue 1 giants were in England for a training camp and asked them if they fancied a game. Shy bairns get nowt, I suppose.

FC Gherdeina v Leeds United - 2014

The 2014/15 campaign was hardly a vintage one for Leeds United. Beset by relegation concerns and still mired in all kinds of financial woes, the club limped their way to a lower mid-table finish in the Championship, and didn’t had much to crow about besides.

Imagine, then, how bad Gherdeina must have been for the Whites to batter them 16-0 in a preseason friendly. Matt Smith was the hero of the day - although proper heroes probably don’t bother themselves with such a pointless trifles - scoring six goals.

Bamber Bridge vs Czech Republic - 1996

In 1996, a glittering squad of emerging Czech talent arrived in England with big hopes of going all the way in the European Championships. Ultimately, they fell at the final hurdle against Germany, but nothing during the course of that balmy summer came anywhere close to eclipsing the bizarreness of a 9-1 friendly win over Lancashire minnows Bamber Bridge.

Played in front of a capacity 2,300 crowd, the Czechs cruised to victory, with names like Karel Poborsky, Pavel Nedved, Patrik Berger, and Vladimir Smicer all getting on the scoresheet.

Aylesbury United vs England - 1988

Another example of an international side laying waste to a non-league opponent - this time Sir Bobby Robson’s England squad putting seven past little old Aylesbury in a behind-closed-doors clash ahead of Euro ‘88. The Three Lions named a stacked XI, with the likes of Gary Lineker, Bryan Robson, John Barnes, Peter Beardsley, Glenn Hoddle, and Chris Waddle all featuring in a comfortable run out.

The game clearly did nothing for England’s pre-tournament preparation, however, with Robson’s side crashing out after losing every single one of their matches.

Marlow FC vs Kuwait - 2019

Okay, one last English non-league/international crossover. This time, we have eighth-tier Marlow playing host to the 156th-best nation in the world, according to FIFA, and running them pretty darn close. It was Kuwait who reached out to arrange the fixture, and they even went to the trouble of gifting their hosts a commemorative golden plate as a souvenir. How lovely.

ATV Irdving vs Everton - 2018

Marco Silva’s first ever game in charge of Everton was nearly as unbelievably one-sided as Bayern’s recent demolition of Rottach-Egern. Twenty-two goals the Toffees hit without response, and four different players scored hat-tricks as the Premier League club ran roughshod over a team of Austrian amateurs. An absolute bloodbath by any metric.

Plymouth Argyle vs Real Madrid - 2006

It’s a tale as old as time; Plymouth Argyle book themselves into an Austrian hotel for their preseason training, Real Madrid rock up in the same region a few days later and decide they want to stay in the same hotel, and as a means of convincing the EFL outfit to clear out, they offer to both pay the costs of their tour, and to play them in a friendly. Classic stuff.

The match, in case you were wondering, ended in a 1-0 win for Real.

The entire Dallas Tornadoes preseason tour – 1967

The preseason tour to end all preseason tours. Back in 1967, the Dallas Tornadoes embarked on a six-month world tour funded by a Texan oil tycoon. Over the course of their odyssey, they would be forced to escape from Greek-Cypriot terrorists, visit Vietnam while the country was still very much at war with the USA, and hide out in an Indian hotel for two days due to political riots on the sub-continent.

Occasionally, they would play football too, with one particularly intriguing fixture being a 2-1 defeat to the Iranian Air Force - although in fairness, the military team did contain seven internationals. The sooner somebody makes a film out of this, the better.