I asked AI who Everton should sign this January - and the results were truly bizarre

As a defeat to Aston Villa on his second debut as Everton manager neatly demonstrated, David Moyes has a fair amount of work to do if he’s going to keep the Toffees afloat in the Premier League – and with the cautious backing of new owners the Friedkin Group, some moves in the January transfer window may be necessary.

Everton are struggling for goals, in particular, and some firepower up front might be a necessity, especially with the likelihood that Dominic Calvert-Lewin leaves when his contract expires at the end of the season. So with all that in mind, we decided to lend Moyes a hand by asking some of the most cutting-edge tech in the world do some scouting.

Basically, we’ve done something that Moyes himself has almost certainly never done, and asked a popular AI tool for some suggestions. Can the machines come up with some sensible suggestions? Or will this exercise serve as proof that you should never use it to do your homework? Let’s find out…

Ernest Nuamah

We suspect that the AI is just copying real peoples’ work here, because Nuamah has been heavily linked with a move to Everton already this January, but at least we’re kicking things off by staying on the rails of reality.

“It seems that a deal is not close to completion,” warns the early incarnation of Skynet. “However, Nuamah could be an ideal signing given Everton's need for goals… His youth and potential could be a long-term investment.”

Not exactly a deep analysis of the pacy Ghanaian, and one that ignores the fact that Nuamah has only scored three goals in 41 league games since moving to Lyon in 2023. He’s a talented player who usually operates as a wider forward, but has found the leap to the a top-tier league hard at the age of 21, especially since Lyon’s parlous financial situation meant that they tried to force him out over the summer in order to cash in on a bid from Fulham. Nuamah resisted their efforts, but with the French club set to be relegated unless they can raise a substantial sum of money to cover their debts, he may have no choice.

Georges Mikautadze

Everton really need a central striker, so Euro 2024 star Mikautadze makes rather more sense on paper. Another Lyon player and potential victim of the economically-driven cull, the Georgian has only started five games for the side he signed for just last summer but has managed four goals. As we saw at the Euros, he can be rather dangerous.

The AI noted that he “could be a bargain due to Lyon's financial situation” and that he is “known for his set-piece abilities”, which could be handy for a side which relies fairly heavily on dead balls.

Further justification offered by the computer seems a little more spurious, unfortunately. Perhaps confused by his capacity to score a penalty, the machine adds that Mikautadze “could be a direct replacement or complement to James Ward-Prowse's style.” The fact that Mikautadze isn’t a midfielder and that Ward-Prowse has never played for Everton seems not to have been considered in this judgement. If we keep going like this, we’re not worried about AI taking our jobs just yet. Professional scouts are probably safe for a while, too.

Ademola Lookman

Now we’re really drifting towards cloud cuckoo land. Lookman, who was nominated for the Ballon d’Or after a fine season in which he scored a hat-trick in the Europa League final for Atalanta, has already played unsuccessfully for Everton and seems rather unlikely to make the move back to Merseyside with bigger sides reportedly interested in him.

The AI seems to be aware of Lookman’s previous stint at Goodison Park, praising his “experience in the Premier League” and “excellent form”. It’s also observed that his “contract situation might allow Everton to negotiate a reasonable fee” – Lookman is under contract until 2026, so that’s not as far off base as the original suggestion, but hardly implies that he’ll leave Bergamo for peanuts.

All told, the Lookman idea suggests that either AI is plagued by an excessive and unwarranted optimism about Everton’s current status within the global game, or just lacks basic analytical skills. We’ve got one final suggestion coming up, so let’s see if that helps us judge whether AI is the future of football recruitment or whether it’s all just a great big sham cooked up by bored big tech bros.

Jake O’Brien

Ah, yeah, that settles it. AI might have learned how to beat Garry Kasparov as far back as 1996, but nearly three decades later the best it can do when asked a simple question is to suggest that Everton sign one of their own players. Seriously, don’t use this stuff for your assignments, kids.

The algorithm notes his “significant physical presence” and capacity to “keep up with the pace of elite football”, neither of which have helped him to break into the first team of the club he’s already at. As suggestions for January transfer deals go, this might be as useless as it gets.

So, there you have it – AI is a total waste of time, and Moyes would be quite right to stick to doing things the old-fashioned way. Now please, stop using it before someone decides to replace me with a computer programme which can’t track the transfer market and has a strange fixation with former Lyon players.